she woke up with a sticky ear
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
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i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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