i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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