I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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