I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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