problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
