Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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