hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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