paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
