i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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