a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
