It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
