who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
