is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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