So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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