she woke up with a sticky ear
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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