the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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