Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
