Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
