You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
