Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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