can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
