i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
