so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
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You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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