I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
