How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
