Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
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I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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