Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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