I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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