it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
the raccoons are back...
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