I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
