So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
