don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
