The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize