The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
