I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
