You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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