Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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