she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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