Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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