What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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