Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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