I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
