My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
