So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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