Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
