my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
