I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i drank out of a bidet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
