i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
