i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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