u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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