I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
