forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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