When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
