I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
