where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
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For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
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Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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