the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
