tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
