y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
