bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
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She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he quoted the bible to break up with me
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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