i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
