I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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