I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
