Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I will pee on everything he values.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
