im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
