Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
